Home Remedies

Pam R Johnson says:

Wow! You nailed it! Have been seeing my boss for over a year, who happens
to have someone else in another state. He has told me he is ending it with
her, that is a lie. He is a walking contradiction, self absorbed and I am
to willing to let him back in my bed. I am afraid that I wont find “love”
again. Afraid of failing, in love again. If there are a hundred men in a
room, I will pick the biggest idiot in the room. Heavy sigh!

VelvetGal5 says:

I watched your videos last night for the first time & some of your videos
really rang true to me. Especially your “Toilet Bowl Love”, “3 Signs a Guy
is Emotionally Available”, the Guy is Giving Mixed Signals video, the guy
is treating you like a convenience instead of a priority, & this guy is
emotionally constipated video. All of these videos ring true because this
is what I’ve been dealing off & on with one guy for the last three years. I
wish that the guy I was seeing off & on for the last three years would
watch your videos to see how he was with me & other women in the past & see
how he has been acting & behaving & how hurtful & painful his actions were
& are.

I haven’t talked to this man in a long while, but each week I’m in
emotional pain thinking of al the things he did. He really did hurt me in
many ways. I’m a decent, kind, generous, & goodhearted person. And I always
gave & gave to him. It really hurt me that the majority of compliments he
gave – the few times he did compliment – was mostly focused on what I did
for him, what I gave to him, how I made him feel. His compliments weren’t
about how I was & am as a person & my traits, my heart, my personality, my
soul. When you said about a guy being selfish – you’re right. He was
selfish. Most of the time, I was listening about him & he rarely asked
about me & how my life was going & how I was feeling & doing as a person.
He didn’t ask about me & invest time in the things that mattered to me. He
didn’t ask questions about how it was like growing up in the U.S., how my
family was doing, just good quality things that matters to one’s heart &
soul. Many times when I would try to communicate with him about things that
hurt my feelings – he would leave & not talk to me for weeks, months, etc.
I felt like he ‘punished” me with silence – non-communication.

He also left me – broke up with me one time on Valentine’s Day. That action
of his blindsided me & really hurt my heart. I never had a boyfriend in my
entire life leave me on Valentines’ Day. Also, I was dealing with a person
who was online bullying & harassing me – a male poster – for three years &
I told my then boyfriend & friend how much it bothered me. And he said he
would talk to that male poster & defend me. I didn’t ask that of any of my
female friends, etc. I only asked that from him. And he knew how much it
upset me how I was constantly harassed & bullied by that person in the last
few years & that boyfriend didn’t do anything. He just watched it happened
& was a bystander. That hurt my heart especially when I defended that guy
privately & publicly many times & especially when many people told me
behind the scenes & not to the then boyfriend’s face that they thought he
was selfish, a jerk, an a-hole, a douchebag, arrogant, misogynistic –
mostly saying negative & critical things about women, barely saying
positive or uplifting things about people in general, & how he just came &
went as he pleased – a “my way or the highway” mentality – everything on
his terms or nothing at all. It really hurt my heart when so many people
said negative things about him & how they said I was too sweet, nice, good,
etc. for him & how they said I was a good girlfriend to him, etc., & how
they felt he didn’t appreciate me & how he took me for granted.

He did make me feel like a toilet bowl each time he left, which was many
times, when I would communicate & say how I felt about things. I feel that
relationships are supposed to be about open communication, & there is no
friendship & relationship when the guy keeps running away just because he
doesn’t want to face or deal with issues or problems or work on fixing or
repairing things. It also hurt my feelings that I felt like he didn’t take
the things I cared about seriously & how he would run & address the things
his ex-wife complained about, but when it came to me, it was like he didn’t
address them & work on things. He made me feel like I was bottom of the
Totem Pole. I also felt & still feel that this man has a big chip on his
shoulder when it comes to women. Many times, it just hurts my heart &
feelings the way he talks about most women – how critical he is of women &
how he puts the blame on women & how he doesn’t take responsibility for his
actions & his behavior. It really hurts my spirit how he feels women are to
blame for many things & how he doesn’t OWN & MAN UP to his own actions &
his behaviors. And for all the times he has hurt me with his actions, his
words, his behavior, when he apologizes, which isn’t often – sometimes I
feel like he doesn’t truly understand how hurtful his actions are & he
keeps on repeating hurtful stuff – like he didn’t learn from his past
actions. It hurts my spirits & heart that I was patient with him for three
years & instead of seeing this man work on himself & truly see him stop his
hurtful ways & behaviors, it’s like he’s getting worse – not listening to
people who are giving him feedback, counseling, etc. It’s also harder to
date or be in a relatoniship with a divorced person because you have to do
with the yo-yo effects of whether this man will put you as a priority & not
his ex-wife. It’s very hard when another woman is still in the picture.
When it came to him, I had no other guy in the picture. No ex-boyfriend, no
ex-husband – I’ve never been married. I have no kids.

Another thing that hurt my heart was how this guy would talk about his this
one blonde woman was eye candy, how this other blond woman from another
show was hot, etc. To me, when he talks like that in front of me,
especially a person who is battling each day with medical issues – it’s so
disrespectful to me. The way he talked in front of me – why talk about
women that are hot & are eye candy when you know I’m an Asian American gal
& you’re talking about women who look the opposite of me. When he talked
like that in front of me – he really deflated the air & doused any fires I
had going for him at those moments. It’s like he spent more time talking
about other women & superficial stuff such as cars & TV shows instead of
using time to spend quality time with me & us saying things about each
other in a positive way to make our hearts & spirits feel good. It would
have made me feel better if he said nice things about me instead of his
compliments being about what I did for him, how I made him feel, what I
gave to him, etc. A lot of his compliments were focused on him – very
self-centered. He didn’t make me feel good when it took him months to say
anything nice about me that was just focused on me & not what I did for
him, made him feel, gave to him, etc. I wished he focused on the other
person instead of things that are associated with him.

I always felt he was good at his job. I was attracted to his intelligence,
his looks, his success at work. But his money meant nothing to me,
especially when all I got material-wise in three years was an e-card. He
didn’t write a poem to me like I did for him. He dedicated way less songs
than I did for him. I helped him in so many ways. And I defended that guy
in private & in public from people who had negative feelings about him. And
what I got in return was a man who left many times when I would speak the
truth about some of the things he did & how he made me feel when he did
them. It really hurt my heart when he didn’t work on any of the things I
addressed – like I didn’t matter as a human being to him. And like you said
in the toilet bowl love video – for three years, I held out hope that this
guy would improve & get better. I always felt he had potential – that there
was good in him. But I honestly didn’t like the way he treated me. I felt
disrespected by him many times. I felt like he took me for granted. He
didn’t say uplifting, positive, heartfelt things to me & many people.
Instead of making people cry in a good, positive way, many times he made me
& other people cry out of sadness, pain, hurt, frustration, anger, etc.

The way I feel is that it’s never okay when a guy leaves someone on any
holiday. It’s never okay when a guy stands there & doesn’t defend their
girlfriend or friend when they are being bullied for three years. It’s
never okay when a guy leaves or runs away when his girlfriends wants him to
work & repair some things. That guy did treat me like a convenience & not a
priority. When he would leave me many times or when he talked about other
women & complimented them & not me – he made me feel like crap. I still
love him. I still care about him. I just didn’t like his actions, words, &
behavior many times. I just felt like he didn’t think about his words &
actions before he did them. I often felt like he put himself first above me
& everyone. I honestly don’t care if he is sacrificial, more giving to his
ex-wife, etc. What I care about is how he treats me in his relationship
with me. It honestly doesn’t make me feel good that he treats his ex-wife
better than he treats me. A decent person treats all people well. Not just
a few people well. I also felt he was stingy in giving his love, giving of
his time, giving of any material thing to me in the three years that I knew
him. I felt like he was acting like Ebenizer Scrooge. I gave to at least
eight charities in his honor in his name. In the three years I have known
him – he didn’t donate to one charity at all in honor of me in return. I
was always the one who gave to him & helped him. It would’ve been nice if
he did something nice – did something different – did something decent &
generous in return for & to me. I felt like I paid my dues & then some with
that man – for three years.

In a way – my relationship with that man was kind of like Selena Gomez’s
with Justin Bieber. That new song of hers, “The Heart Wants What It Wants”
video pretty much sums up how I feel when it comes to that guy. I totally
understand how Selena Gomez feels. She has love for Justin Bieber. She
thinks about him often & still loves him. But she is also crying & hurt by
all the hurtful things he has done & how he makes her feel like she’s the
one with problems & “crazy” when in all honesty it’s because of the guy –
Justin Bieber & the guy I was seeing off & on like Selena was off & on with
Justin – that is the root of the issues & problems. What’s driving the
woman nuts is the inconsistent behavior & actions – walking contradiction –
patterns & actions of the guy. I still love that guy. And I’m still not
interested in being with any other guy.

I’m dealing with medical issues. And I have a strong feeling that that the
most recent relationship – the one I had off & on for three years – was &
will be my last relationship. I’m just really conflicted. I still care
about this man. I still have strong feelings for this man. I still love
him. I still think about him often. It’s just that I wish this man would
improve his heart, his soul, his actions, his behavior & just become a
nicer, kinder, generous, caring, thoughtful person. Because it hurts my
spirit to see him not being a thoughtful person. Just because my health is
declining & my medical issues are getting worse right now – doesn’t mean I
have to put up with reading & hearing his comments about how he is single &
would like some woman to travel with, or how he thinks one woman looks
physically hot, etc. & he’s doing & saying all of these things in front of
me. How he would like to travel to Asia or wherever, but he never talks
about including me in the travels or in his future. It’s just hurtful how
he omits me from talks of the future or how he is not inclusive of me in
his current & future plans. It’s just so disrespectful & hurtful for a guy
to talk like you’re invisible & like you never really mattered or
something. I worked so hard for that man for three years & it’s like all my
hard work will go to another woman this guy will see in the future after I
have passed away & left this Earth or something. I wish this guy was like
CT – how he was with Diem Brown before she died. Or how Gus was with Hazel
in “The Fault in our Stars” before he died. I put in so much time, love, &
energy for that man for three years despite my medical issues, & I always
gave to him even this year & it would’ve been nice if he showed decency,
heart, consideration, love, & thoughtfulness to me.

Anyways, I’m sorry for this very long post. I’m not seeking relationship
advice because I honestly think that the most recent relationship – the one
I had for the last three years – is my very last one before I leave this
Earth from my medical issues. It just bothers my soul & heart that I will
leave this Earth with the memory that this guy didn’t try harder, fight
harder for me, work on improving any thing with me. And that all of this
stuff is still running in my head & that I haven’t forgotten anything. It’s
still there. It hasn’t disappeared at all. Anyways, I just wanted to make
this one long comment on your video because I feel you are “dead on”
accurate with many of the things you have said. I think your videos will
help many individuals. And the few reasons why I left this very long post
is 1.) you are right with many of the things you said 2.) I have held all
these feelings inside & needed to vent because when you said you were in a
relationship for three years where you gave & gave & gave & still felt like
crap – I totally related to you – my last relationship was off & on for
three years & I was the one who gave & gave & gave. 3. ) so that other
people know the signs on when some guy is playing mind games, is acting
emotionally unavailable, is being selfish & self-centered, is making you
feel like crap or is not taking responsibility for any of his actions & not
improving his actions & behavior. The concepts of treating a gal like
convenience & not a priority, the guy being emotionally constipated, & the
guy playing mind games, sending mixed signals, & treating his friendships &
relationships – his friends, his girlfriends like they are disposable –
flushable – like a toilet – are memorable concepts you mentioned that are
very true & are things I have painfully experienced. No one deserves to be
treated like disposable items & like crap.

I apologize for my lengthy post. I don’t know if I’ll get to feeling better
physically, emotionally, etc. All I can say is that I’m still alive. But
your videos & some of the comments from posters on your pages do bring a
little comfort to me that there are people out there who have been through
what I’ve gone through & am still emotionally dealing with. Thanks again
for your videos. Again, I’m not seeking relationship advice. I don’t expect
or seek any relationship feedback or comments back to me. I just
simply wanted to say that you are correct with many of the things you said.
And even though it’s hurtful to hear the truth of some of the things you
said, it’s true what you said. Thanks for letting me vent. All the hurt &
pain I’ve been feeling has been bottled up for a long time. I wish you a
nice Thanksgiving & good holiday season.

Kimberly Uribe says:

You are so helpful. Ive been married for 21 years and my husband and I have
had our ups and downs believe me, but you have given me such insight into
the male mind! I think it saved our marriage! If I wasn’t married , and you
weren’t I would definitely go for a guy like you! Your wife is very lucky!

gtran7 says:

Toilet bowl relationships! So good! Thanks!

baby bleubell says:

True!! Had that before! Run away!